100th post and my next challenge!

So I had a couple things tumbling around in my head and thought I'd come blog about it, and lo and behold the almighty Google Machine lets me know that this will be my 100th post!  Caught me by surprise, especially considering how sporadic my posts have become.  Which I really have to tell myself is just fine, because as I put up at the start of this blog, this is for me, and I'm just talking to myself.  So really I guess I am glad that my posts have become more infrequent because that means I am away from the computer more and enjoying life in other ways.  And less talking to myself in the real sense is probably a good thing, but at the same time I really enjoy seeing the comments.  An interactive journal I guess is a good way to look at it.  So I will keep blogging, even if its random and sporadic.  And if I can babble away here and get my thoughts somewhat coherent, then maybe I can improve my conversation skills irl.  Sounds strange, but the idea is that I can get out the babble and come away with coherent thoughts and stories.  I guess its another method of conquering my anxiety and shyness.

Okay, 'nuff babbling on that, back to the reasons I came here to post tonight... this is gonna be long (set your timer!)

As far as having a life outside of work, this has been an awesome summer.  Just about every weekend has been some kind of event, mostly camping but even then its been a new adventure each time.  I've been excited about every one, and the one coming up this weekend will be another new challenge for me.

The scouts are doing a two night canoe trip.  I gave HH (hired hand, my part time employee) the weekend off because he wanted to go on this trip too.  No problem, the group doesn't leave until Friday after work, so off we go, right?  Ooops I messed up; kinda forgot my store is open on Saturdays in the summer, and if HH has the weekend off, then I'm working!

Not a big deal, I've caught up before with other outings.  The challenge this time though is that the campsite is a two hour canoe trip away from the parking lot, with a few portages over beaver dams.  So I thought it through... bear with me here, I had lots of thoughts...

I have the canoe skills, and have done solo paddling before, but with an unloaded canoe and with other people still around, so I did a little research and updated a couple skills to be good with that.  I've got the camping gear and the weather is good so it will be easy to pack light, even with packing extra stuff just in case I'm on my own for much more than two hours.  I have a good map of the area and I know where we start and where we're going.  I checked to see if the terrain is hikeable and it's not, or if it is it would be a heckova lot longer than two hours, in bear country.  Riiiight, bears.  Okay, I've got the knowledge so I'm not afraid of coming across a bear, but I figure that if I'm in a canoe then I have a lot more open space to see one (and for it to see me) than if I'm pushing through dense bush. So, what else?  Oh, a canoe! Okay, the scouts have more canoes then they can carry; so I can borrow one, and the paddles, got a pfd etc etc... now how to get it to the lake?  Aha!  Pick the brains of my skilled HH, and this afternoon we *cough cough I mean "he"* built a rack to go on the truck, that is much sturdier than the one I would have just thrown together for just this one time, and he's so good that its designed with bolts in strategic spots so I can collapse it all down for easy storage, and its strong for much more then just being a canoe rack.

Alrighty then, I'm all set!  So, why go to all this trouble for one night?  Well, there's lots of reasons not to, but there's also lots of reasons to do it.  The main reason is selfish; I've been enjoying the outdoors so much this summer and I've seen such a change in myself that I just want to keep going with it.  Spending so much time alone at work for the last five years, I really need to get out and socialize, and this is a great way to do it.  We have a very active outdoor community, and it's very welcoming to anyone who wants to try stuff, and I am blooming.  The only thing I can think of that would make any of these outings better is if dh would join in more of them, but this is an area that we're different in so I don't push it.  He is very supportive and loves to find articles of activities and stuff for whatever my current interest is.  Another reason is that with each camping trip I get more confident, so having this time, even just two hours, alone in the wilderness, self sufficient in a canoe on an medium-challenging route, is just something I want to do, because I know I can.  Two years ago I would have thought I was crazy - this isn't me!  Last year I would have been hesitant, and wouldn't have done it.  This year, there's no doubt, just planning.  It's really a short trip, and there's a whole group of people at the other end to meet up with, (or to come look for me), so it is just a great opportunity to test my skills and raise my confidence.

So that's that:  and when I look back and see what I've written, see it all laid out in front of me, just this glimpse of one weekend activity: I'm a bit flabbergasted.  I am blossoming.  I am more confident and stronger and excited, and... happy.  This has been a long time coming, and even when I was in bluer times and tried to picture how things would be when I got to a happy place, this isn't what I would see.  Quite the pleasant surprise!  Wow, not much city girl left in me anymore!

All that being said, there is still lots of things I am working on improving, like my housekeeping.  I know I'll get there; and I am getting better in little bits here and there.  I know I can do it because I've done it before, even though that was what now seems like another lifetime ago.   But right now, I'll keep up my new found attitude and just keep working on it.  I'm happy, and that's what my family sees too.  My boys are learning new skills with me, and they are learning that old mom is... maybe kinda cool.  That's worth it all too.

Okay I had other thoughts, but this is way long enough.  One quick thing though is that I've started week 4 of the running program (OMG I ALWAYS HATED RUNNING BUT I'VE STUCK WITH THIS AND I'M ENJOYING IT WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO ME AHAHAHAHAHAH!)

That's really it now.  I'm going to clean the kitchen for the night!