Don't think I'm insensitive here but what I'm about to say isn't going to sound very compassionate. I'm going to say it anyways, because I need to figure out why it's bugging me. Or not bugging me, I guess. Depends on how you look at it.
My cousin died in a car accident last week. He just turned 50 this month. His little car ran into a big truck. The other driver sustained no injuries to my knowledge.
I feel bad for his mom and his two sisters. This is the second child that she's lost, but that doesn't make it easier of course. My Aunt's extended family is rallying around them and will help them through it.
I don't know when the last time is that I saw this Aunt; she lives far away. I don't remember meeting these cousins when I was younger, though I'm told I did. This cousin, who died, I met (re met?) just a few years ago.
He didn't leave a good impression.
He was an alcoholic, a drug addict, and he was driving while his license was suspended.
And now he's gone.
And the standard thing to say when you hear that someone has died, is "I'm sorry".
I told dh last night my cousin (whom he's never met) had died. Before I could tell him anything else about it, dh said "I'm sorry".
And all I could think was "Don't be".
Callous? It's not intentional. Don't judge me.
To my Aunt, her daughters, and to those who loved my cousin; you loved him, and I'm sorry for your loss.
To those who where hurt by his addictions and his actions in his life; I wish you peace and closure, and I hope you make the best of your own futures.
There are many people out there who struggle with addictions. I know several. Some make it and some don't. It doesn't matter what I say or do. This is happening all around us.
Yes, someone who happens to be related to me died last week. But please don't tell me you're sorry for my loss. I'm not.
This is what I can do though, and I challenge you to do the same:
The next time I see someone I know who has struggled/is struggling with their addiction, I'm going to give them a hug. And I'm going to hug them just a little tighter and just a little longer.
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2 comments:
Those actions speak louder than words.
And my oldest, who lurks over the shoulder as I read this, said "Aw. I would hug them too..except I'd be afraid they'd mug me to keep up their addiction. j/k" ...Snarky child.
My mom died 3 years ago. Our relationship was not a close one, but losing her was not easy either. I was able to make peace, but it's apparently a rarity. Several people have conveyed their condolences, albeit unnecessarily.
Thanks for your thoughts Feisty. Tell your snarky one that he made me giggle, and I appreciate that.
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