I need to vent

I'm venting... be warned. And it's long so you get the background info... be warned.

This is stupid and childish and dumb and you're going to wonder wtf is wrong with us?

My dh and I are fighting. Not over money. Not over the kids. Not over anything serious.

We're fighting over laundry. Over who does the laundry. More specifically we both WANT to be the one to do the laundry.

I know what you're saying - If he wants to do the laundry then let him!

I have. For three years he's been doing the laundry. He separates colours, and he reads labels so things don't get shrunk.

And for three years it's been getting worse. He lets it pile up. It stinks. He'll wash a load, and since the washer is faster then the dryer he'll put the wet load on top of the washer and start another one while the dryer is still going. And another, and another, then there's a big pile of wet laundry sitting there, and it stinks too.

Because he has future plans to put in a counter and cupboards and shelves all with a laundry sorting station (because he's been reading home design magazines) he's refused to get baskets or anything to use now, because it won't be needed later on, or won't fit in to what he's got planned. Whatever.

And so the dirty laundry is dumped on the floor. He sorts it there. He leaves it for the weekend, then there's multiple piles. He says he does laundry on the weekend, and he does, but with so much going on, or being away or whatever, he never gets very much done. So it accumulates. And stinks, did I mention that?

If I haven't grossed you out yet, there's more. The cats have noticed it too, and occasionally decide to piss there. On the laundry piles on the floor. And it stinks more, and he makes a bigger effort to get more loads done, but it's neverending.

(I just want to say that it's only this room - not the whole house. We don't live in this filth. I can have people over, I just don't show them the basement when it's like this. It's embarrassing. But I'm the only one who cares)

The laundry that does get washed often sits on the couches in front of the tv down there. Folded or not, it gets spread out, and because of the ongoing renos it's often that something ends up getting rewashed. It's neverending. Why don't I fold it and put it away? Because he said he was. I believed him.

He knows I don't like it. I have been more then patient (3 years!!!) I've talked and requested and hinted and begged and offered to do it for him.

It's a big room (about 12x12) with the back door to get outside from the basement. We keep our bikes in there, right by the door. Sometimes, a lot of the time, we are stepping on the laundry and pushing it out of the way to get our bikes in and out. I kept my mouth shut as much as I could. Because he said he was taking care of it. I believed him.

This past weekend while he was installing drywall with his dad (down the hall from the stinky laundry room which I'm sure his dad has noticed but doesn't say anything) I asked dh how many piles does he sort laundry into. His reply - Lights, darks, colours, and sometimes other. I told him I was going to Walmart.

I bought two bin type things that each hold two large netted bags. All together they apparently hold 12 loads of laundry. They stand up tall, and they're easy to move around, even when fully loaded. The kids brought them in and asked if they could build them, and started to assemble one.

I came in. DH was there with a look on his face and grunted something like what's this, and me being a little clueless replied "I said they could assemble them". He stomped away. I asked what's wrong and he didn't answer.

My only intention was to assemble one, see how sturdy it was, see if it would work to sit in the middle of the room, full of dirty laundry, and still be easy to move out of the way when we were going in and out with the bikes. Yup, so far so good, kids can build the other one. I filled them up, all the laundry fit with the exception of one large quilt, but the point was we could walk in there. We could move around. The cats wouldn't think it wasn't a big cotton litter box. That's all I wanted to do. Helpful, simple. I went upstairs to do dishes thinking that was that.

Nope. He got snarly. Said something about me doing the laundry as he stomped through while I was puttering. Ugh, fine whatever. I put through a load. And when it buzzed an hour later I was reading. I heard it buzz, and I was near the end of the chapter so I continued reading. Laundry can wait for 5 minutes.

Nope. Snarly came through again and said your laundry is done. Then within three minutes he 'asked' ds10 to remind me the laundry was done. Allrighty then, I get the hint. I booted the laundry. This isn't a fight I wanted, I was just going to wait it out.

Later after his dad has left and the kids are in bed, I'm on the computer. He comes in. Now this normally kind gentle caring man that cooks fab suppers and *cough* does the laundry snaps/snarls/glares "Leave the laundry alone".

By this point I've had enough of this behaviour. I just said 'no'. Calmly, timidly even. He repeats it, and so do I. No.

I didn't want to take it over. He forced me to it. I don't mind doing it, really I don't care who does it, as long as it's done. He can have it back - to a point. Something has to change.

So that all happened Sunday. It's been 5 days. He doesn't speak to me, only talks to the kids when they talk to him first. He even got snippy with his mom. His dad was supposed to be over to help some more with the drywall, but won't come back until things are sorted out.

This is a stupid fight over stupid laundry!

I'm being stubborn only in that I want him to be the first to say something - as a reasonable human being - lets get past this kind of way. He never gave me a chance when I first came in the door, and I want an apology for that.

I don't know how long I can be stubborn, just waiting for him to say something first.

I get that he was proud of the fact that as the man he helped out with the chores mostly by taking care of the laundry. He does other stuff too, but I guess he started to see this as his domain. I saw it as his stinky stinky stinky domain, and no matter how I approached it, it wasn't getting better. I have avoided the whole basement because of it.

I've got the laundry caught up now. I'm not annoyed/afraid/disgusted to go into that room anymore. I refuse to let it return to having that much laundry piled up, and I don't really care who does it, as long as it's done.

I want my husband back. I also want to kick his ass.

Crap. Just when I'm getting off the anxiety drugs and my sex drive is returning! He really doesn't know fully what he's missing out on!

5 days over stupid laundry. What a waste.